


Falling For You

by Little_Dinos



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bullying, Child Abuse, Cute, Fluff, Funny, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, No Smut, Phan - Freeform, Why Did I Write This?, no youtube, warnings written at top of every page
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-23 20:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16625930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Dinos/pseuds/Little_Dinos
Summary: Why is it whenever I try something it always goes wrong? Like what, you may ask? Like life. It went horribly wrong.Dan Howell is struggling to get passes each day, that is until he meets Phil Lester. Their tale includes lost, but hopefully, their love can help them overcome it and live to see another day.originally posted on Wattpad





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT! Some content may be harmful to readers. This book includes suicide, character death, bullying, abusive parents, the loss of a sibling, and drinking irresponsibly(but, there's also good stuff. It's not all miserable, I promise). 
> 
> When a chapter mentions any of these things I will add *** as a warning.
> 
> If you're affected by this story, please stop reading and seek help. I love you all and would hate to hurt you.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *** Warning: Suicide

***

My feet echo across the stairwell as I rapidly ascend into my end. Why start at the end? Because it's the only way for you to truly understand. All tales have an end, and to follow this story, you need to know mine. It's a bit out of place. Just like my life.

It hasn't always been bad. No, I've had some pretty good parts. Like the time I kissed him under the stars, or when we danced in the rain staying warm in the heat of our love, even when we slept wrapped in each other's arms crying all night.

Unfortunately, it seems as if all those memories are tainted with horrific scenes. Like when we kissed we were caught by them and just barely escaped, but not without a good beating first. Or when we danced, we both got the flu and couldn't see each other for two weeks. Even when we slept together, we were crying because we lost our closest friend. How are any of those moments worth living when so much darkness covers the light?

But him. His eyes, his crooked smile, his silent but beautiful laugh, his perfect snowy skin, his charming accent, even his warm touch. They all make me want to turn back, find him, and run into his magical embrace that makes me forget about the world. I want to hear him say it'll be alright and we'll find a way out. I want his hands to hold me tight and for his aura to wrap me up in a blanket and keep me safe from them. I want him.

But I can't have him.

My thoughts are interrupted as I approached the door. This is it, after this, there's no going back. I could turn back and cry in his arms. Or I can do us all a favor a leave everyone. With a quick nod, I open the door.

The cold February breeze hits my face pushing my hair back, making me wish I brought a coat. It won't matter in a bit. I can wait till then. My black boots push the pebbles below, creating terrifying laughter taunting me for taking the easy way out. My hands nervously fiddle together creating their language, shouting for somebody to stop me. My eyes shed tears, crying for all that I have lost, and all I'm about to lose.

It's the right thing to do, I reassure myself, It's for the better.

I can't keep living in fear and wondering why I will never be enough for the world. You know what world, if you don't want me, then I don't want YOU!

My eyes are pouring at this point, creating rivers for me to drown in, but it's not deep enough.

I stop at the ledge and take in my surroundings. My brown fringe is blown in front of my eyes as if the world thought it could hide from me, but it's too late. I've already seen the cruel mess it is.

Nobody is below, why would anyone want to see this? It just reminds me of how alone I feel. A bird flies by in a flash. I wish I too could fly away from the world. Seeing as I can't, I whisper a soft, "Goodbye," to the bird. The sky above is a dark blue.

The day has ended, I guess, I've lost track of time about a long time ago. Tall buildings are surrounding me at every side, but there's some sky peaking through revealing a beautiful sunset. My last sunset.

I lift my head high as if I was proud of the last 25 years of my life. It's all just a mask, one last lie to leave with the world. I lift my foot ever so slightly. My thoughts run a hundred miles per hour.

This is the end, goodbye. Maybe I don't want this? What if I do this and regret it? What if I am stronger than I thought? Maybe I don't have to leave this way. I could move to Brighton with him as we've always dreamed of, and live the rest of my days with him. We could adopt a dog and two kids, living together in a small house by the beach and go on Sunday walks together. Hand in hand, the kids running around ahead of us. I would stop and admire the beautiful sunset with my head rested on his shoulder. He'd smile and place his chin of my head, whispering about how perfect our life was. About how proud he was of me getting off the ledge. He'd squeeze my hand and stare into my eyes as I stared into his. The world would be perfect, and we'd be perfect.

I can't do this. For him.

I'm about to step down when a loud noise frightens me. I quickly turn around, and the world stops.

I see him. He sees me. We lock eyes as my foot slips over the edge, and I begin to fall. He shouts my name and runs as quickly as possible, but he was too late.

I screamed his name and fell into the abyss of darkness. Our hands attempt to connect with an urgency never felt before. Tears pour out of our eyes in a steady rhythm of death. My heart beats along giving an eerie touch. With each pump, my vision goes darker, and I begin to remember. Everything.

From the first day, I met the love of my short life.


	2. Blue Eyed Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mysterious boy catches Dan's eye in the stampede of high schoolers. Who could it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Warning: Bullying

My stomach twisted into knots, and it had every right to, I'm starting year 13. School is the one thing I've dreaded my entire existence. Thankfully, this is my last year of high school. After this, I get to move to a college where nobody knows me. Nobody can call me the kid who gets bullied, or that gay kid, or even a mistake. Next year I will be a new person and finally come home without new bruises everywhere. Until then, I'll have to conquer another year of this monstrous hell.

As I approach the school, I put in some headphones trying to block out the world and keep my head low as if not seeing the school will make it disappear. I reached the doors and with a swift motion- and smacked it in my face.

I heard a few snickers and my face heated up like hot cocoa on a cold winter's day. I was walking so fast now, and I think it could classify as running. I imagined myself as a gazelle running to escape its predators. It was a nice way of looking at things, almost made walking down the hallways of torture...fun.

Finally, lifting my head, I observed my predators. To my utter disbelief(but relief) none of them were here. All I could see were skittish little rabbits walking around, a few laughing hyenas talking to their pack, even a silent panda sat in the corner reading a book. So far, no sight of the big bad wolf. Not even his pack of vultures that did nothing until all the hard work as done.

***   
I rounded the corner and saw something miserable. Him. The big bad wolf himself was standing with his back to me beating up some innocent kid. I was about to turn around and run, but something caught my eye. Something about the kid made me stay.

He had beautiful but messy hair. It was as dark as night but his aura made up for that by shining so bright it was impossible to look away. His clothes hung just right off of him and made him look like he had some muscles, but not a lot. Even the way he stood in front of the bully was hypnotizing. Almost as if he wasn't scared of the bully but still shy.

Although it wasn't his body that made me stay, it was his face. Even though the obvious pain he was in, you could tell he's always smiling. I just wish I could see his eyes, but they were closed from fear, the one thing about him I didn't like. The fact that this was happening and he was in danger.

Before my brain could comprehend, I walked towards the bully and tapped him on the shoulder. In a flash, he spun around and glared at me, but there was a hint of surprise in his eyes. Seeing as I could unbalance such a steady building of a person, even just a bit, gave me a rush of adrenaline, and I spoke up.

"Excuse me Kendall, but would you be kind enough to let go of the cu- I mean poor man over there." Wow, that didn't sound stupid at all. I'm totally not in a pile of trouble. I can't believe I almost called him cute in front of his face. I felt my face heat up, but I maintained eye contact with Kendall.

"Oh ya, what are you going to do about it?" Kendall replied in a harsh tone, pushing the boy down onto the floor.

"I-I will... um... tell the principal?"

"Everyone knows the principal doesn't give a shit about what we do."

"Oh then I will-," I quickly punched Kendall in the nose, feeling something crack as I made contact. I don't know where that came from. I've never been that violent of a person. Yeah, sure, I've had people I've considered murdering before, but those were just thoughts, never actions. Something about this boy made me want to protect him at all costs.

Kendall held his nose and glared at me. I felt myself cower in fear as his shadow fell over me. This is how I go, I thought, Death by stupidity. Just as Kendall took a step toward me, closing the gap between us, the bell rang stating the first period was starting.

"You escaped this time, fag. But next time I see you, your going to pay." With that Kendall walked away, clutching his nose. His pack not far behind.

"It's you're," I whispered. A wave of relief flooded over me as I realized what just happened.

"That was... incredible," exclaimed a new voice. I turned towards it to see the boy still on the floor cradling his wrist.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay!" I rushed towards him and got to my knees, seeing his eyes for the first time.

It was as if I saw colors for the first time.

They were stunning. No, stunning can't describe these beautiful, icy, full of happiness orbs of light. Despite him being in pain, his eyes still shone with such brightness, and you almost needed sunglasses to look at them. No words could describe his perfectness.

"Ya, I just landed on my wrist wrong," his voice was smooth like cake batter and just as sweet. His accent sounded northern. It was subtle, as though lost over time, but still present. I could listen to him talk all day. "And you are," He spoke again, making me realize I was staring at him.

I stood up and offered my hand. As he took it, I replied, "Dan, Dan Howell."

"Nice to meet you, Dan, I'm Phil. Phil Lester."

Phil. A beautiful name belonging to a handsome boy. We were staring into each other's eyes now, still holding hands. As soon as I realized this, it was too late. Phil's face was bright red as he whispered a, "Thank you," as left without another word.

I stood there dumbfounded, wondering if I'd ever see this beautiful mystery again.

A kitten, I thought, Definitely a cute, warm black kitten.


	3. Just Phil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings!

Why can't I stop thinking about him?

He was like an angel, lifting me off the ground, flying me away to a distant land away from harm's way. His perfect hair, that curled into the perfect waves of brown. His smile that could light up this entire world. And his eyes... God his eyes! Looking into them was like just being born and seeing the world for the first time. His eyes grabbed you and pulled you into their golden whirlpool, dragging you into the galaxy that rested in the middle. His eyes could answer the questions of life, family... love.

Love! What am I saying? I just met him two seconds ago and then ran off. Why'd I run? I could have stayed, soaking more of his beautiful aura. But no, I ran like a coward. He probably thinks I'm such a weirdo. I just got too overwhelmed with his intense eyes. Holding hands was a big reason to why I ran. I mean, I just met him today, and I'm already falling hard. I've got to catch myself before it's too late. I feel like I just tripped over the edge of a building, plummeting into the unknown. Except I know what's down there. Love, and misery.

A turn up ahead shocks me out of my thoughts. Man, how long have I been running? I'm surely late for class. Where am I going again? I reached into my pocket when I was remembered of the horrible pain my wrist was in. I bit my lip trying to stop myself from crying as daggers stabbed my wrist. I looked around the hallway and saw a bathroom at the end of it.

Walking as quickly as possible, I stumbled into the bathroom and stopped in front of a mirror. Looking up, I looked horrid. Man, an hour of working on my hair, down the drain. Strands were poking up along the back while a huge gap was in my fringe. Sprinkling water onto my uninjured hand, I quickly tamed my mane. Giving my reflection a quick nod, I carefully reached into my pocket clasping my hands on a piece of paper. Taking it out I read my schedule;

7:45-9:15 Biology 201

9:20-10:50 Tech. 305

10:55-11:40 Lunch

11:45-1:10 Gym 303B

1:15-2:45 Art 319

Alright, off to biology I guess. As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I thanked the gods for giving me incredible luck. It turns out biology was right across the hallway. I quickly ran to the door and knocked. A young looking woman opened the door. Her golden hair pulled into a tight bun, and she was wearing a dark blue button up with white pants and a brown belt to tie the look together. She must be the teacher.

"Yes?" She glanced me up and down, settling her eyes on mine.

"Um, I'm new here and was wondering if this was the biology room," Why would I ask, I already know it is. There's literally a skeleton standing in the corner of the room.

"Oh, yes it is," She quickly pushed her hand forward, "My name is Mrs. Robberson."

Shaking her hand, I responded with a nervous, "Philip Lester, but I prefer to be called Phil."

"Alright Phil, why don't you come in and we can find you a seat."

As I entered the room, I felt all eyes on me. I stared at the floor counting my steps towards Mrs. Roberson's desk.

"Looks like you're sitting next to Daniel. Daniel, could you please raise your hand," She announced to the class.

I looked up to see someone familiar. It was Dan! My heart began to quicken its pace as he raised his hand looking shocked at seeing me there.

"It's Dan miss," He replied, his gaze never breaking from mine. I approached the chair next to his desk. Due to the way they were made, I sat right next to Dan. So close, our arms touched each others.

"Hi," I whispered nervously as the teacher resumed her lesson of lab safety.

"Hey"

"So..."

"So..."

"We never properly introduced ourselves before," I pointed out with a new source of confidence, "My name is Philip Lester, but I prefer just Phil."

"Pleasure to meet you, Just Phil. My name's Daniel Howell, but you can call me Dan."

The rest of class was spent making jokes and getting to know each other. I was sad when the bell rang ending our perfect discussion about who'd win in a dog vs. cat war.

"Here, let me see your schedule," Dan reached out his hand as I gave him the paper, "Looks like we have first and last period together, but that's all. Good news is, you have Chris and Pj in your gym class and art with all of us. Chris and Pj are pretty cool, so make sure to find them in gym."

"Okay," I took back the paper and finished gathering up my belongings exiting the room with Dan by my side. "Bye Dan."

"See you at lunch, Just Phil." With that, we both turned away. My thoughts were only about Dan when I sat down in tech. I was too distracted to notice an unwanted individual sat next to me. Once it was too late to move, I looked next to me to see Kendall glaring at me with pure hatred. What did I ever do to this kid!?!

Class passed by slowly as I counted down the time until lunch. I kept trying to ignore it, but I was still aware of Kendall's constant glare on me. As soon as the bell rung, I jumped out of my chair and ran down the halls to get to the cafeteria as soon as possible. I needed to get away from Kendall fast.

All worries were evaporated as I saw Dan standing at the entrance checking his phone. I walked over and decided to scare him. Sneaking behind him I quickly grabbed his shoulders.

 

"Motherfu- Phil!" I giggled as I turned to walk towards a table. Sitting down I looked up to see Dan doing the same. We spoke about random stuff until two boys walked up to us and sat down. One had wavy and poofy dark brown hair with pale green eyes while the other had straighter brown hair with darker green/brown eyes. They seemed to be arguing about something.

"OK, sure, but what if he carried a wand?" Asked the brown haired boy.

"Just because he carries a wand, doesn't mean he knows how to use it, Chris," Replied the other boy looking a bit annoyed.

"But Pj!"

"No Chris. No matter what, Kirby will never defeat the Hulk."

"What if Kirby sucked him up, taking the Hulk's power?" Asked Dan, looking at both of them. Chris' eyes widened as Pj began thinking.

"I told you Pj!"

"Oh hush it!"

Finally, they seemed to notice my presence.   
"Hi I'm Pj, you must be Phil?" Said the curly haired boy giving a small wave.

"Ya, how'd you know?"

"Dan wouldn't stop going off about you." Replied the straight-haired one, "Chris."

I looked at Dan who seemed to be two shades darker than before from blushing so much.

"Is that so?" I asked smirking.

"Alright, enough talk about who talked about whom," Rushed Dan, desperate to change the topic.

"Alright, then let's talk about the newbie," Chris turned towards me, "So Phil, where'd you move from."

"Came here from Rawtenstall 5 years ago, but I went to another school."

"Cool!"

Lunch continued with them asking me questions and all of us joking around. By the end, I could tell we were all going to be great friends. Lunch ended and Chris, Pj, and I walked towards gym saying bye to Dan. Not a lot happened in gym unless you count getting plummeted to death by dodgeballs.

"Oh sorry Phil, should have warned you," Pj exclaimed picking me up off the ground as I rubbed my now sore head.

"It's alright. At least it's the end of class." As we changed I noticed my wrist didn't hurt as much as before, just a bit sore now. Heading out, we all walked to art class.

Since I was in the last to get into to the room, I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings until I ran straight into Kendall. Oh no, that's what started the beating last time. I sware this guy is everywhere! I muttered a scared sorry when he gave me the death glare.

Does this guy only know how to glare? I thought. He took a step closer just when the teacher walked in and asked everyone to take a seat. I practically ran to the seat in the back noticing Dan and the others sitting there.

"Dude you alright?" Dan asked, his voice laced with worry.

"Ya, just glad the teacher got here when he did."

Our first assignment was to finger paint our dream in life. Despite all of us being 17, we acted as total 3 year olds. Paint got everywhere, and I mean everywhere. By the end we all looked like a rainbow throw up on us. We looked at each other and burst out laughing. Chris had pink hand prints all over his shirt, Dan had green splattered on his black jeans, and Pj somehow got blue in his hair. I didn't look any better with red paint coating my face and arms. I didn't even use red!

We did a grand reveal of our paintings to each other and criticized the masterpieces we did. As I showed mine, Dan spoke up.

"Phil, was is that? Is that a horse?"

"No Dan, it's a dog. My dream is to own a dog."

"That's a weird dream!"

"Oh ya, what did you choose?"

"I made a masterpiece of a Shiba Inu because my dream is to become the ultimate meme king."

"Your mom's a meme king!"

"Chris, that didn't make any sense!"

"Your mom doesn't make sense!"

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Placing our paintings on the drying rack, we all walked to the entrance. Chris and Pj were staying behind to help out with the new drama production, so me and Dan walked home together. We joked around until we reached my street.

"Later Dan. Thanks again for saving me before."

"Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, later Dan."

"Later, Just Phil," With that, Dan turned around and started walking home. I did the same towards mine. I tried thinking about anything but all my thoughts were about Dan and seeing him tomorrow. Little did I know, Dan was thinking the same thing.


	4. We'll Live a Long Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I normally don't do this, but I would just like to point out that the warning is used for inappropriate language and suggested abuse. It's not bad, don't worry. Also, for the song mentioned in the story, I decided to also put it in here so that you guys understand the rhythm and all that stuff. I was going to originally have a link, but I have no idea how to do that so I'll just say that the name of the song. I have some questions at the bottom of the chapter that I'd really appreciate it if people read! If you do, the feedback will help a ton. Thanks!
> 
> Name of song, Mumford and Sons, _Ghosts that We Knew_
> 
> Warning used of inappropriate language and suggested abuse

As his feet pound against the pavement, Dan can't help thinking about the beautiful little kitten he met today. How could something so precious exist in such a cruel world like this? With each step, his world seemed to brighten. _It's 'cause of him_ , he thought, _Maybe this world isn't a bad as I thought._ Dan sighed in content as he allowed the thoughts of Phil grab his attention.

***  
Despite him feeling happy for once in his life, Dan felt an unsettling presence in the back of his mind. One that made itself more known as he round the corner making his last strides towards his house. Suddenly it hit him. _Ha, what a funny way of putting it, hit._ As if the previous eight hours, could erase more than eight years of trauma.

No, nothing could erase that, it's forever branded into his brain. But, maybe he could make today different. Instead of heading through the front, as usual, only to be bombarded with cursing and bruises, he thought he'd preserve the innocence of today and sneak through his bedroom window. Sure, this will cause worse punishment for tomorrow as his dad claims he was "worried sick about him." _The only thing you're worried about is for your punching bag reporting you the cops._

As carefully as he could, Dan sneaked around the edge of his house to the left side. His window was luckily right next to a giant tree, meaning he could quickly climb to the second-story window. Trying to be as careful, but quick, as possible, he climbed the tree praying he left the window unlocked. After getting only one scratch on his leg, he was face to face with his window.

_I can do this, come on Dan, please tell me you left the window unlocked!_ He pushed the window up only to be immediately stopped by the unwilling locked window. _Fuck!_ Dan got ready to try again. While praying to every god in every religion, even some superheroes, He tried again, this time pushing as hard as he could until _creak!_ The window started to slide up exposing the stale smell of his room. The only thing wrong with the window was the lack of use. _Thank the gods!_

As quietly as he could, he tiptoed across his carpeted floor and silently locked his door. He could believe he made it! It's been a while since he's snuck in and after this successful time, he might do it more often. _Maybe he won't even notice I'm missing! He's too drunk most of the time to even know if it's day or night out._

He took off his backpack, placing it on the floor and then continued to take off his shoes. After some time, he was laying in bed, comfy sweatpants on, with headphones in ready to play music. He glanced at the millions of songs on his phone but already knew by heart where he would go. Almost automatically, he scrolled through all the different titles stopping at the one that filled his heart with joy. He turned up the volume as loud as he could and drifted off into a semi-conscious state.

 

_You saw my pain washed out in the rain,_

_Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins,_

_But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart,_

_And you knelt beside my hope apart._

 

He recalled all his years of laying on this same bed crying his heart out as he listened to this song. Maybe, this year will be different?

 

_But the ghosts that we knew,_

_Will flicker from view,_

_We'll live a long life._

 

He could sneak in after school and be out before his dad ever woke up. He could act as if he didn't live in constant fear in this hell for just one more year, just until he could go off to college and be free.

 

_So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light_

_'Cause oh that gave me such a fright_

_But I will hold as long as you like_

_Just promise me we'll be alright_

 

He could do this! And he could be happy with Phil every day instead of being lonely and never feeling loved or important.

 

_So lead me back, turn south from that place_

_And close my eyes to my recent disgrace_

_'Cause you know my call_

_And we'll share my all_

_And our children come, and they will hear me roar_

 

Just the idea of Phil brought a smile to his face. He had to stay here, for Phil. He may have only just met him, but he already felt such a deep connection with him.

 

_So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light_

_'Cause oh that gave me such a fright_

_But I will hold as long as you like_

_Just promise me we'll be alright_

 

Phil was his light. His hope. His life.

It seems silly, but he needs Phil even after just one day. Today was the happiest day of his gosh darn awful life! He was just about to give up until the most beautiful smile, and blue diamond eyes barged into his life. He's at least a bit suspicious as to where this was heading.

 

_But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals._

 

Phil showed me how to laugh again.

 

_But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals._

_How to be happy!_

_So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light_

_'Cause oh that gave me such a fright_

_But I will hold on as long as you like_

_Just promise me we'll be alright_

 

He hopes Phil will stay there with him. He needs Phil. And little does he know, Phil needs him too.

 

_And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view_

_This year won't be bad. He'll make sure of it._

_And we'll live a long lif-_

 

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I have a few points I'd like to make.
> 
> 1) This chapter, I included a song and I was wondering if you guys like that and if you think I should do it again.
> 
> Yes.
> 
> No.
> 
> Other.
> 
> 2) Do you guys mind if I leave A/N towards the end of each chapter and few at the beginning? I like you guys knowing a bit about the author but if you don't, I won't do it anymore.
> 
> Yes.
> 
> No.
> 
> Other.
> 
> 3) Are you guys even enjoying this book? Do you feel as though it has too many details or not enough? I personally like fast-paced books but admire when those books are able to give enough detail for me to imagine everything myself.
> 
> Yes.
> 
> No.
> 
> Other.
> 
> 4) Should I upload monthly or just upload everything(like the entire story) once it's done? Keep in mind me uploading everything every month would include some filler chapters for my busier months but all at once will take ages for me to actually do.
> 
> Once a month.
> 
> All at once.
> 
> Other.
> 
> Thank you so much for your feedback.


	5. Lovely. Outstanding. Valiant. Exciting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Swearing(Like two words but still)

"Hello darling, how was your day," My mom cheered as soon as I walked into my house.

"It was okay," I replied, trying to quickly escape to my room before my mom noticed my bruised wrist.

"Only okay, well did you make and frie- PHIL! What happened to your wrist?" _Shoot_.

"It's nothing mom, just fell again. You know how clumsy I can be," I let out a nervous chuckle while rubbing the back of my neck.

I can tell she didn't buy my lie, but she seemed to drop it knowing I didn't want to say to her. So she just opened the freezer and grabbed an ice pack. Placing it inside a towel, she handed it to me. She gave me a soft smile as I took it and ruffled my hair a bit.

"Okay, just be more cautious next time. I swear you were better at walking when you were two."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Ya, seems like it, huh? Well, I'm going to chill in my room."

I quickly turned to go upstairs, only to be stopped by my mother's voice.

"And Phil, careful walking those stairs." She winked, before letting out a chuckle.

\---

Once I was up in my room, I quickly threw my bag onto the floor and went to my CD player. Ya, I could use my Spotify, but there's something special about placing a CD in and hearing music out of my speakers beats Spotify any day.

I shuffled through my collection before choosing All Time Low. They might not be my favorite band, but they're still pretty good. And their music is exactly what I want now. After hitting play, I jumped onto my bed. I covered my face with my hands, spreading out all over the bed, thinking about today.

_Dan. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel the Spaniel. Dan the Man. Danny boy. Handy Danny. Every now and Dan. Dan Howell. Daniel Howell. Dan._

No matter how I said his name, it still brought my heart into a blizzard of emotions. Happy, enamored, fascinating, sweet, kind, handsome, perfect. But, only four words could describe how I saw Dan.

Lovely.

Outstanding.

Valiant.

Exciting.

This is new. I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's warm and fuzzy, but it twists my heart too. What's happening? I'm I sick? No. No this must have a name. But, the only one that comes to mind is... Love. That can't work though, because it doesn't give this feeling justice. It's too complicated to put into words.

I need to clear my head.

Grabbing my phone, headphones, and keys, I turn off my CD player and walk out the door.

I plug in my headphones and turn on my Spotify. It is good for somethings.

I play no attention to the songs, just my surroundings. I feel the cool breeze of September. I notice the bright strokes of orange and red painted onto the clouds. I sigh at the beautiful sunset. _This is exactly what I needed_.

As I pass the park, an unsettling feeling washes over me. I look around, to see what's caused me to feel this way until I see a figure huddled under a small group of trees. Whoever it is, they seem to be hurt. Despite my brain yelling at me to walk away, I turn towards the person and walk to their side.

As soon as I pull out my headphones, I hear a soft sniffle coming from the mysterious person.

"Hey, you alright?" The person seemed to sit straighter when I spoke as if they knew my voice. But, their back is towards me so I still can't see their face.

"Hey, I'm gonna walk closer to you. Are you hurt? Do you want to call someone? I can lend you my phone?"

The person continues to stay quiet until I'm right behind them.

"Please just leave me alone," A small whisper comes. It's raw as if they've been screaming. Something in that voice sounded familiar. Despite the raw voice, heavy tone, and quietness, I knew who it was. Nothing could hide that posh voice, especially after I spent an entire day thinking about it.

"Dan? Are you alright?"

"Does it look like I'm alright!?!" The sudden outburst would have scared me if it wasn't for the fact he turned to me, and I could see him for the first time.

He looked awful. A twilight colored bruise was forming just below his eye. His lip was split open, exposing dried up blood. There was a small cut on his forehead. Though, the thing that shattered my heart was his eyes. They looked shattered, crumbled to a million pieces. It was as if his eyes were a glass bowl, and the cracks were letting all the water out.

I tried to keep it in, but a small gasp escaped unwillingly. He turned around, wincing as if even the slightest movement hurt him.

I quickly sat next to him, pulling him carefully into a hug to avoid further harm. He began to sob into my shoulder, laying his arms around me for support. He held me as if I was his life jacket, keeping him from being swallowed up by the sea of darkness. And for all I knew, I was. So I held him stronger. Pulled him closer until he was basically on top of me.

And we laid there. For what seemed like days, until the darkness surrounded us both. But I kept my grip on him tight, and so did he.

\---

It wasn't until a few hours later that his cried turned into sniffles, and then into just a runny nose.

"I'm sorry, you only just meet me, and now you probably think I'm such a weirdo."

***  
"Look at me. Dan, please look at me," I waited until he finally did, his eyes still cloudy, "I don't think any less of you. Hell, if anything, I now think you're even cooler. And excuse my language but fuck not being able to show you have feelings, that you're _human_. Dan, I think you are the bravest person in the world. Don't you ever think I don't like you."

Dan stared at me, shock laced into his skin. I started to worry I might have said something wrong until he spoke up.

"Thank you, Phil."

"No problem. Now come, let's get you cleaned up."

"How?"

"By going to my house silly. And since it's already so late, you'll have to stay over." I had a sneaking suspicion to why Dan looked like this, and if I was right, I didn't want him going back to his house.

"But-"

"No buts! It has already written into the stars that you will be coming home with me tonight Dan Howell."

Dan stood up, seeming back to his usual sarcastic, fantastic self. He held out his hand for me.

"Well, then. Wouldn't want to keep the stars waiting now would we, Just Phil?"


	6. Duchess Dan, or DD for Short

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Swearing, not too bad though

As soon as we entered Phil's house, I immediately could tell the difference between him and I. For starters not only did he have a mom, but one who cared about him too.

"Phil is that you? Where have you been?" His mom sounded far away. Phil gave me a reassuring smile as I hobbled behind him to the stairs.

"Just out for a walk." He winked at me causing my cheeks to burn up. Luckily it was too dark for him to see.

"For four hours?"

"A long walk?" Note to self, Phil is a horrible liar.

"Phil, you know I don't like it when you lie to m- Oh good heavens! Phil who is this? Are you alright?" His mom rushed towards me, gently placing her hands on my face to get a better look. She took my arm and guided me to another room into the kitchen, and sat be at the table.

"This is my friend, Dan. I meet him at school today."

"Well, it's nice to hear you meet friends Phil, but I'd prefer if you introduced them to me without getting them beat up." Ms. Lester sat down in front of me and began to put medicine on my cuts.

"It wasn't his fault, Ms. Lester," I spoke for the first time, trying not to wince at the burning sensation of the medicine. "He just found me at the park and like a good friend helped me out."

"Well, it's nice to know that Phil was there. Dan, could you please tell me how you got all these cuts and bruises?" Her voice sounded sincere and full of love and worry. I remember having a lovable mother like this, but that was before the accident.

"I fell a couple of stairs." Note to self, I'm a horrible liar.

Ms. Lester looked unconvinced but continues cleaning my cuts.

"Phil, darling, could you please get some bandages for Dan?" Phil rushed off, leaving both Ms. Lester and me alone in the kitchen.

"Now Dan, last time I checked I wasn't born yesterday. I can tell you're lying. I understand you don't want to tell me, but you need to tell someone. I also hope you know that you are always welcomed at this house with open arms, no matter what."

"Thank you, Ms. Lester."

\---

After a few hours, I was all bandaged up and getting ready to sleep when a quiet voice piped up.

"So you can sleep on the bed, and I'll just take the floor."

"No way, I'll sleep on the floor. I'm the guest."

"Sorry sir, no can do. You are correct. You're the guest, so you sleep on the bed."

"Fine, but nothing says the host can't sleep with the guest."

Phil raised his eyebrows suggestively at me. My face immediately heated up like a potato in an oven.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it, you pervert."

I only managed to glare at him for a few seconds until we both burst out laughing. Unfortunately, since my luck is so hideously against me today, I snorted, resulting in us lying on the bed, unable to breathe.

"Woah, when d-did I buy a pig."

"Rude! I could have been literally dying, and you mock me. Thanks."

After wiping his tears from his eyes, Phil turned towards me.

"It would be my pleasure to sleep with you tonight. But you must know, I bite."

The night resulted with both of us sleeping on the bed, Phil sporting a fresh bruise on his arm.

\---

"Boys, time to wake up! Wouldn't want to miss the second day, now would we?"

Oh dear god! It's only Tuesday.

I heard a groan beside me and rolled around, only to be face-to-face with the most horrendously beautiful creature ever. Morning Phil.

"I refuse to go to school."

"Well, it's not like I want to hang around peasants either!"

Suddenly, Phil grabbed his shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.

"Daniel, insert middle name here, Howell! I have a proposition."

"And what would that be, Just Phil?"

"Would you be so kind to skip hel- school with me?."

Now it was my turn to grab Phil's shoulders.

"It would be my honor. On one condition though."

"Yes, my liege?"

"Two specific peasants get to join us?"

A twinkle in Phil's eyes showed that he knew who I was talking about.

"Well then, we must get ready if we want to make the carriage."

\---

"Okay, I had no clue what you meant by carriage, but I was expecting something a bit more... royal."

"Why Sir Peej, this is only the fastest carriage to stroll the streets of England."

"Phil. It's a bus."

"Use your imagination, Pj."

\---

This day turned out to be the best day of my life. Not only did we spend all of it with Chris and Pj, but it's not even over yet! Right now, we're chilling in the corner of Starbucks by the window because Phil claimed, "It's the only sun I can get without being burned." That fucker refused to acknowledge the fact that the shades were drawn.

We still managed to have fun, nonetheless. After a day of stocking the pet store and climbing all over the playground like apes on a stick, hot cocoa was exactly what I needed. And, since we all got hot cocoas, we've claimed our kingdoms drink to be just that.

"So, what are we going to do now?"

"Well, Chris, have you ever heard about the mythical land of- and it's okay if you haven't- outdoors."

"What! Why golly me, I have never noticed this. What is this exotic, foreign land you speak of?"

"Wait, outdoors? Why, I've heard that's just a myth, Princess Dan."

Another bruise for Phil.

"Please, Queen Dan, tell us about this mythical place."

One bruise for Pj.

"Yes, Duchess Dan, DD for short, please enlighten us on this wonderful bedtime story you speak of. Why Countess is it only fair to share this us knights to know this information."

Apparently, you will be kindly asked to leave when you beat someone up in a Starbucks. Who would've known?

\---

That night, we all decided it was too late to go to our separate houses, so we just had a sleepover altogether.

"Goodnight, Sir Pj."

"Why, till 'morrow, King Phil. And see you in the morning, Duke Chris."

"Only if I don't see you first, Baron Pj. And sleep well, Queen Dan."

"Go to sleep you little pieces of shit."

"Why this one bites back, doesn't she."

"I do say, Earl Pj, this lady does have a mouth."

"Well, better for her to su-"

"I will execute you if you don't go to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a huge thank you for everyone who reads this. You guys are fantastic and seeing that readers count go up brightens my day. I would also like to apologize for the unsteady flow of this. This was written about two weeks apart meaning that it's not the best flow, but I did enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Also, excuse how much dialogue there is. That was just the best way I felt I could have revealed the story and friendship of all the characters. Also, I wasn't feeling the whole, "write everything out" this chapter. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. If you did, it would be an honor to have you write a comment. I genuinely appreciate hearing feedback!
> 
> Till morrow,
> 
> \- Queen Author


	7. Pancake Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Abuse, triggering thoughts, mild language

Dan's P.O.V.

***

Vulnerable. That's how I feel. That's how I am.

I lay there, just accepting everything. The hits, the yells, the truth. I don't know what hurts more. The kicking, or the verbal punches.

He keeps going. For a bit, it feels as though he's tiring, but he continues. Twice as hard. It's getting more difficult to breathe, my lungs are drowning in a sea of nothing. Finally, when my face is as broken as my mind, he stops.

I have enough energy left to see him walk away. All I see is a small tunnel of darkness. The back of the man I use to run into the arms of, walking away. I wasn't enough to keep him, just as he wasn't enough to keep my mom.

My mind is blank. But my body has its own plans. I don't remember anything except the collapse. I was surrounded by trees when I blacked out.

I woke up on the floor. Vulnerable to the night sky. Vulnerable to his words. Vulnerable to myself.

I'm huddled like a child. _Weak and pathetic_ , my mind taunts. I start to sob. I know this story. This is when my angel comes. Except, it isn't my angel who places a hand on my shoulder. It's him. My throat is too raw from before to scream. Now there's only silent screams, the ones that shatter minds instead of glass. Now there's just pain, as I'm dragged back to hell.

\---

Sweet. Sugary. Warm. Melt in your mouth. Orgasmically good.

"Phil, these are the best pancakes I have ever had!"

I give a soft hum of agreement to Pj. These are heaven.

Despite the rough start, today has been great. I woke up right next to Phil, his sleeping form exhaling warm breath on my face. I was thankful for being the first to wake up so that I could detangle our limbs. A picture of Chris and Pj cuddling was also worth the early rise.

Right now, we were all stuffing pancakes into our mouths, making inappropriate noises to see who'd break first. Phil lost. After being chewed out by Phil's mom for skipping school, the week went surprisingly fast. As in each moment was a new circle of hell.

School was so boring, but friends made it all worth it. Ugh, I sound so cheesy and gross. _Shut up, it's supposed to be cheesy_.

All of us decided it was time for a proper sleepover at Phil's. Hopefully, this one won't end in a disappointed best friend's mother. Mrs. Lester is extremely nice, but the moment you do something wrong, run. I can see why Phil's such an innocent, well-behaved child now.

"Soh whah har our plans?"

"Chris, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street."

Chris just glared like an angry chipmunk back at Phil.

"I was thinking Starbucks and then video games?" Pj interjected.

"Oh! We could play board games, and I adore them." I quickly said before stuffing a forkful of pancake into my mouth.

"Starbucks and games it is," Chris yelled as he sprinted down the hall, trying to lock us out of Phil's room.

\---

It was warm and quiet in Starbucks. Since we went there every day since Tuesday, the barista could guess our orders the second we walked in.

We were huddled in the corner, our noses slowly adjusting to the coffee attack.

"Okay, two truths one lie, Chris you start."

"UGH, Phil why me?"

"Cause I'm your ruler, now bow before me peasant."

"Fine... I want to be a movie director, I have a strange obsession with aliens in tight green spacesuits, and I own a succulent named Pepino. It's Spanish for cucumber."

"You kill everything you touch; I'm going with succulent."

"Same here."

 

"Same."

"Wow, you guys think so lowly of me that I would have a weird space fetish. How rude!"

"But was it the lie?"

"Alright, Pj your turn."

\---

"I don't understand the objective of this game."

"It's simple. You have to make the ideal character for my scenario."

"Pj, where do you even find these things?"

\---

"Okay, so just write down what the color card says in the matching colored slot, and then we'll try and guess who wrote it."

\---

"Phil you mothertrucker!"

 

"Eat my blue shell, Daniel!"

 

"Pj, if you don't stop 'accidentally' bumping into me, I'm gonna 'accidentally' pouch you in the face."

"Them fighting words my friend."

\---

"Guys?"

 

"Yeah?"

"What would it feel like to fall from a building?"

 

"Dan, don't be that weird kid at sleepovers."

 

\---

"Okay, left foot red."

***

"Phil, you must be colorblind, because there is no way in hell, that my foot can fit on that red."

"Dan! Don't swear. Babies could be listening."

"Well, if these random ghost babies are eavesdropping on us than they deserve to hear me swear."

\---

"Phil, you have to stop biting the controller, it's not food."

\---

"I don't mean to be cheesy or anything, but today has been the best day ever."

"I am honored to hear you say that DD."

"Chris, I'm gonna shove this monopoly piece down your throat so hard, your children will taste it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though describing the entire day gets to be too much. Also, good days tend to go by really quickly, only the best parts are slowed down. Maybe the same goes for chapters...? Just kidding, this chapter was not my most exceptional work, but I was finally in the mood to add a section, so I did. Hope you enjoyed!


	8. The Writer, Actor, Pianist, and Animator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Mild Language (Like one word)

P.O.V. Phil

"And here we have the wild Amazing Phil, rushing to do his forgotten art project."

"It's not my fault our teacher assigned a project over the weekend. What type of witch does that anyways."

"And Chris, can you please turn off your camera. I know this is what you choose as your monthly art final, but some of us aren't pretty eaters. I'm saying that for Pj's sake."

"Wow, thanks, Dan."

"Anytime."

It was Monday afternoon, and all of us were sitting around a tree eating our lunch. Our art teacher just recently announced the topic of Monthly Art Finals. Or as the students call it, The Ninth Circle of Hell. It was horrible. Of course, some people were jumping in excitement because they loved art so much.

"Man, I was so excited about this, I stayed up till 3 a.m. finishing it."

"Pj, it's not due until Friday."

Others, like me, were less enthusiastic. Given the fact that I have yet to discover a good talent, worthy of this horrid assignment.

"I don't know. The only artistic talent I can think of is the piano. But, it seems a bit egotistical, to submit a video of me playing the piano," Dan mutters into his sandwich

"Same here, I can write scripts just fine, but whenever I try to perform them, it's just not good enough," I agree.

"I know I said I already finished it, but it sucks."

"Dudes, lucky. The only thing I can think of is acting. But I just haven't found a compelling story yet."

 

The air was silent. We were all thinking deeply about our projects. That was until we all seemed to have the same idea.

"Wow."

"We're stupid."

"How did we not think of this?"

"That's just disappointing."

"We could do a project together!" We all shouted over each other.

"This is gonna be perfect!"

"Sure is Dan, we just have to think about each others roles."

"Phil isn't it obvious," Pj stood up and started pointing fingers at each of us, "Phil, you write the script, create the storyline. Dan, you make all the background music for us. I'll make the animations that Chris will speak for!"

This was going to be perfect! Lunch was forgotten as we started pulling ideas together. We decided to meet at my house the entire week to finish it.

\---

We all were leaning against the table admiring the packet of papers as if they were our children.

"So you're telling me, you managed to write this work of art in two hours!" Chris was beyond impressed."

"Well, while we work in art, I remembered an old script of mine. It just needed a few changes before it was perfect."

"This is perfect!"

I handed each of them their copy. As they admired the freshly printed words, I started to direct people on what needed to be done.

"Okay, Dan, we have an old piano in the living room that nobody uses anymore. You can set up there and start brainstorming ideas. The rest of us will be on the living room sofas. Pj, did you bring your computer?" A curt nod came from him. "Okay, you can start making the general sketches for this. Chris, why don't you and I start working on your lines?"

"Sounds perfect!"

"Okay, let's go! Today will be dedicated to working on inspiration. Tomorrow is getting the ideas made, along with Wednesday. Thursday is pulling everything together to present Friday."

"Phil, I get all tingly when you take control like that."

"Shut up, Chris. Let's get to work people."

 

\---

After what felt like years of preparation, Thursday strolled along. It was time to start recording and putting together everything.

\---

"Maybe it's best if we play this during this part."

 

"That's what I was thinking."

\---

"Maybe say it with a bit more remorse?"

"Oh! Like this..."

"Perfect."

\---

"I like that."

"Thanks, it took hours to draw everything, until it hit me. Why not just use my projector for coloring."

"You're an artistic mad scientist, Pj."

\---

We were all holding our breaths as the video began to play. The class was watching the screen intently, as we were watching them for reactions. As the piano's final woeful melody flooded the room, we saw almost every student wipe tears from their eyes. Wasn't as bad as our teacher who was having a full breakdown in the back.

Chris's voice could be heard saying the last line, as Pj's drawings began to drop and turn to liquid.

With a final goodbye, the credits rolled as a slight upbeat song played. The students rose to their feet, applauding as if these were the Oscars.

"Boys, I don't know how you manage to achieve that in such a short time frame, but I couldn't be prouder."

We took our final bow. When we rose, we noticed an angry figure ignoring the world. Kendell was the only kid not standing nor applauding. He looked rather murderous. If looks could kill, we would be his first victims.


	9. Behind the Scenes

P.O.V. Third

 

"Dan, that sounds amazing."

"Your mum sounds amazing."

"You absolute blobfish."

\---

"My home is gone, into the abyss. I have nobody. Not even my dog whiskers. We used to be the best of friends. I'd throw his ball, and he'd catch them. Got me a lot of good dates, that dog."

"Chris."

"Yes, God?"

"This isn't in the script."

"Yeah, but I was thinking, why don't we make this all about whiskers?"

In the distance, a hard-working Pj yells, "No way! I'm in too deep to change anything."

"Well someone's got their hair in a twist."

\---

"What does this button do, Pj?"

"Deletes everything, never push that button."

"Too late!"

\---

"I will murder you!"

"Awe, at least take me to dinner first."

\---

"Is it really-"

"Yup."

"Can you-"

"Nope.

"What if we-"

"I think I'm gonna cry."

\---

"Pj, bud. Come out of the bathroom. You've been in there for ten minutes."

"IT'S ALL GONE!"

"Hey, how's Pj doing?"

"AGHHHHH!"

"I think he's doing swell."

Sobs echo through the door.

"Yep, just fine."

\---

The clock struck 3 a.m. as the Liguori household is silent.

"So I did some research- Stop screaming it's me."

\---

"I can't believe it!"

"Even though you were the one to cause this mess, you did good in the end."

"Awe, you make me blush."

"Now, you have to promise me something."

"Anything within reason."

"Never touch my computer ever again. Because if you do..."

The murmur of a whisper can be heard, but not what is said. Dan and Phil glaze questionably to Chris's horrified face.

"U-u-understood."

\---

"It's done. Everything' s done."

"This is beautiful."

"Good work guys."

"What does this button do?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my original plans, I forgot to type a Chapter 9. This resulted in a kinda... filler in chapter. Nothing really happens, it's just to tickle those reading particles. Sorry, that's weird. Well, hope you enjoyed. I probably won't be in another mood like this in a while, I can already feel it slip. 
> 
> So far though, as I transfer all the chapters to here, I can truthfully say this is my favorite posted chapter. Overall, chapter 18 is my fav. So keep your eyes open for that!


	10. Star Light. Star Bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Violent and homophobic actions

A few weeks have passed, and school was slowly inching along. Despite every class (besides art) feeling like the end of time, I still looked forward to each day. Each day meant another opportunity to spend time with Phil.

Though it's usually all four of us hanging out, when it's just Phil and me, the world seems alright. We've spent every weekend together and almost always after school. It wasn't until someone asked me if we were dating when I realized how close we've gotten. It feels as though we've known each other for years, but our story has only begun.

It was currently Saturday morning when my precious sleep was interrupted. I groaned, pushing my head further into the warm cocoon surrounding me. After what felt like seconds, my fortress of comfort was under attack.

"Goh away."

"Dan, wake up! I've already called you like six times!"

"PHIL!!!" Despite the fog surrounding my mind, I knew that having Phil in my room was a strange occurrence. Especially considering that my door was locked. "How did you get in here?"

"I sorta, maybe climbedthroughyourwindow... but that's beside the point! What are you doing still asleep at... 11 o'clock?"

"Avoiding you, now let me sleep in peace."

"No can do, buckaroo."

"Did you just call me buckaroo-"

"We've got a big day ahead of us!"

"What do you mean?"

"I've planned you a surprise friend hang out day!"

"What are we doing?"

"It's a surprise, Dumbo. Now hurry along, I made you some coffee and pancakes at my house. We'll have to hurry because there's no way I'm eating cold pancakes."

With curiosity as my only fuel at the moment, I stumbled out of bed and got dressed as Phil attempted to climb back down.

\---

"I officially forgive you for waking me up," I mumble, shoving another bite of pancake into my mouth, only to wash it down with some coffee afterward.

We sat at the same park Phil found me in. My back was facing my darkest time as I accompanied Phil with gorging my mouth with food. And that's how we spent the entire day, just eating and talking. It may seem boring, but it was without a doubt the best afternoon of my life.

\---

"I don't trust you."

"Ouch, that hurts how could- watch your step- you not trust an angel like me?"

"Easily, because you've blindfolded me and already walked me into three different poles!"

 

"It was by accident."

The soft fabric of a scarf tickled my eyes as we took another step. The sun was going down making it twice as hard to see through the material.

"You can barely walk on your own two feet. Why did I think it was a good idea to trust you with my life?"

"Don't worry, if you fall, I'll catch you."

We both walked in silence for about a minute until I pulled to a stop.

"Okay, you can look now."

Moving the soft fabric off of my eyes, I gasped in surprise. In front of us was a blanket lined with pillows. Glass jars with candles in them surrounded the sheet to create a flickering warm sensation. The perfect view of the sunset, with all its warm colors, could be seen.

"Dude, when did you find the time to make this?"

"Pj and Chris set it up for me," The was a bit of hesitation in his voice, "Do you like it?"

"It... it's... it's incredible, thank you."

"Yeah, I figured since it's the weekend the football field should be empty, so I thought it was the perfect spot."

I slowly walked towards the blanket, fully aware of Phil's breath hitting my neck as he followed me. I was glad that no one was around. This probably looked as though we were on a date, but that would never happen. We were two male friends, looking at the stars like friends do. Nothing romantic about it. So why did I feel bad about it?

So I might like Phil, a bit more than friends, but that doesn't mean I'll ruin our night cause of it. If he wants to be friends, I'm all in. If he wants to be more, well I guess I wouldn't-

"Do you see that star?" I followed Phil's finger with my eyes to see the only star in the sky.

"Yeah."

"My mom use always to say the first star you saw in the night sky, could grant you a wish. All you'd have to say was; _Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may. I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight_. Then, you make your wish in your head and it'll come true."

"Okay... _Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may. I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight_."

I glance at Phil, but he's not looking back at me. His eyes closed as he concentrates on his wish. I watch as a gentle breeze moves his black fringe, his pale skin reflecting in the exposed moonlight. His cheeks are rosy as if he was shy about his wish, and his chest was falling in a steady rhythm with the night. As more stars shined in the sky, I couldn't help but look at Phil when I realized my wish was already made.

His eyes flutter open as he stares back at me. Both surrounded by darkness, we feel as though we're the only people in the world. His eyes look as though they trapped the sky in them. For a moment, all I can see is the calming blue as we gravitate closer to one another. Just as he's about to close the gap, we hear footsteps running towards us.

"Well, well, well, look who we have here."

It was Kendall, surrounded by his gang of misfits.

Phil and I are on our feet before we even get the chance to exhale. I put my hands up in a lame attempt to keep the wolves a bay.

"Hey, Kendall, we don't want any trouble."

"Good. It'll make it easier to beat you to a pulp."

***

Without second thoughts, I grab Phil and pull him into the darkness in an attempt to put some distance before the others can react. We sprint across the field, but unfortunately, we were never the athletic types. It was like a game of cat and mouse, except the cat was a car, and the mouse was a piece of chewing gum. The car will always win.

We were pushed to the ground as the boys made sure to put themselves between us. We were still holding hands through it all, no matter how hard they kicked, punched, or threatened us, we stayed together. As the dust began to settle, Kendall lifted my head off the ground a bit and spat in my face.

"That should teach you from being a faggot, you disgusting piece of trash." He through my head onto the grass and walked away, riding the satisfaction of winning. As he walked away, Phil's voice echoed through the night.

"Go ahead Kendall, gloat and act superior to us just because you're a dick the size of your mommy issues."

"What did you say to me?"

***

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize your neanderthal brain couldn't comprehend me saying that you're a giant dick. You umbrella monkey face quack sack."

As soon as the words escaped his mouth, I felt my arm was pulled signaling it was time to leave. We sprinted to my house in record time. Thank goodness I lived close by.

We sat on the floor of my bedroom catching our breath and trying to avoid coughing up our lungs. We lay still, hidden by the darkness, for five minutes. The only sound being our shallow breaths and falling adrenaline.

" _You umbrella monkey face quack sack_? Phil, what the heck does that even mean!?"

Our laughter echoed through the dark, pushing back the eeriness of the night.

"It means you're in charge of comebacks from now on."

"Yeah because I definitely feel like doing that again."

Phil suddenly got quiet and laid above me, our bodies only centimeters apart. He cupped my face with his hands and stared into my eyes.

"Are you okay, Dan? Did they hurt you?"

"Nothing I won't survive. What about you?"

"Same here."

We laid like that for a while, his body practically on top of mine. Staring into each other's eyes, everything felt complete in the world.

I felt Phil put his entire weight on me. My mind was tumbling over each thought until it stopped altogether.

"Is your dad home?"

Phil's warm breath blanketed my face as I realized how close we truly were. Our noses were touching, but I felt an urge to be as close as possible to him. I shook my head, never removing my eyes from his.

"Good."

With that millions of stars exploded. He closed the gap, and our lips touched in a silent love for one another. He pushed against mine begging to be as close as possible. My hands gripped his hair as he lifted me off the floor. We practically ran to my bed as he pushed me against it, hating the distance we were at before. I could taste the sweetness of the pancakes we ate, along with the bitter touch of the coffee. But there was something else too. A unique sense only because I was kissing Phil.

I was kissing Phil Lester.

I guess wishes do come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter. Despite the awfulness of writing Kendall, everything else was exactly what I wished for in this fanfiction. Hope you guys are still enjoying this. See you later!


	11. Just a Pancake, Hot Cocoa, Hug Thing

Everything felt warm. It was a new feeling. Normally I only feel sore and in pain in the mornings- not that I don't today either. Today was different though; today I also feel warm. There's a warm, cozy feeling in my heart, warm thoughts dancing in my mind, and a warm presence next to me. I decided to focus on the warm presence.

It was weird. I could feel that I was in my bed, but I wasn't alone as the silent snores proved. What exactly happened? Then, it all came flooding back. Last night. My "date" with Phil. Getting beat up by Kendall. Kissing Phil. Wait... I kissed Phil! A smile grew on my face as I focused all my energy on recreating that memory.

Well, if I was kissing Phil last night, then that means Phil's the one sleeping next to me. The soft morning light blinds me as I open my eyes. It takes longer than usual to adjust to in. Maybe it had to do with the pain I feel everywhere.

As I take in my surroundings, I see Phil facing me, fast asleep. A ghost smile covers my face as I imagine brushing back his raven hair. This time I genuinely smile as I do just that, exposing his pale forehead to the world. Unfortunately, bruises litter his face. A dark purple one rests on his nose. _If his face is like this_ , I begin to wonder, _how bad would the rest of his body be? How bad do I look?_

A painful groan escapes my lips as I drag myself out of bed, careful not to wake Phil. I drag my feet to the bathroom, wincing with each step. Too afraid to look up and see the damage, I inspect my hands. Maybe it's not that bad?

_Oh, no. It's bad_. Looking up, I see a dark painting colored around my eye. With the speed of a sloth. I take off my shirt and pj pants. Dark and menacing bruises cover every inch of my body, making me look like an evil smurf. I touch a huge one resting on my rips and gasp as an explosion of pain runs through my body. _Note to self, never do that again_.

As carefully as I could manage, I step into the shower and proceed to endure the most pain I have in a while. _He would be proud of the state I'm in right now. Hurt and hiding my tears with the water is his cup of tea_. I stop myself. I can't be thinking like this. Not when Phil is sleeping in _my_ bed.

I dry myself off and hurry into my room to quietly change. Then, I walk into the kitchen and look up the easiest pancake recipe. It's my turn to treat Phil.

\---

Half an hour passes as I pour another pancake onto the hot pan. I hum My Heart Will Go On while patiently waiting to turn it over. Suddenly, soft arms circle my waist and pull me closer to their body. A smile spreads on my face as Phil places his head on my shoulder and hums along. Soon, we're both laughing like idiots as he attempts to flip the pancake by throwing it in the air. It's safe to say we didn't get as many pancakes as were initially made.

Later that morning, we sat on my couch, our legs intertwined, eating pancakes and drinking hot cocoa.

"They'll never beat Master Chef Phil's pancakes, but these are a close runner-up."

I set down my plate and mug and climb next to Phil.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been better, but it was worth seeing Kendall's reaction to me calling him out."

"Phil, I think you can barely count your toddler insult as calling him out, but it was nice seeing him so pissed off."

"What about you? You've got a nasty bruise covering up that gorgeous eye of yours."

I feel blood rushing to my face as Phil laughs. "Hey, don't laugh at the injured!"

"I'm injured too, so I can do as I please."

"Humph."

"Oh don't be like that, you know I'm just joking."

"Oh yeah, well your jokes have hurt my feelings."

"So what can I do about it?"

"I might have an idea."

\---

"Dan Howell, how are you the smartest person in the world?"

"Hey, this day was practically screaming for this."

"Yeah. Guess it's just a pancake, hot cocoa, and hugs thing."

Another hour passed as we laid together, watching reruns of Pokemon. His hand was absentmindedly brushing through my hair, sending waves of pleasure and comfort through my body. This was everything I've ever wanted and more.

We continued through this for a few hours until Phil accidentally brushed against my bruised eye. A hissed in pain and instinctively flinched away from him.

"Oh my gosh, Dan, I'm so sorry! I should've been paying attention."

"Phil... It's fine. I was just surprised is all."

"Here, look at me." I followed as he said and turned so that we were on top of one another, facing each other. It reminded me of last night.

While lost in thought, I failed to notice Phil leaning into me until my spell was broken with a soft kiss above my bruise.

"I was told that kisses could heal anything."

And they did. I never felt safer than in Phil's arms. When he was here, I knew everything was going to be alright, if only it stayed that way.


	12. Collateral Damage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Mentions of abuse, physical abuse, panic attack, a very emotionally distressing argument with one's self

***

The door burst open. Each massive step trembled the floor. It was as though he was walking on my heart instead of the floor. I quickly pulled Phil off the couch and behind me. I won't let him ruin the only good thing in my life.

Every bone in my body was telling me to look down, hide from him. But I had to show him who was in charge. I had to show him that he wasn't going to lay a finger on Phil.

He held a bottle of empty beer in his hand. His shadow hovered over me. I met his gaze with mine. I felt Phil squeeze my hands in fear and reassurance. It was weird; I could have sworn he was pulling me closer to himself.

"What's this?" The amused tone in his voice only made me tremble more. "My disgrace of a son brought over his fag friend?"

"Leave him alone."

"Excuse me? Ha, I see you've finally grown some balls, but I don't like being talked back to."

Throwing down his bottle, he raised his hand, ready to strike. Before I could process what was happening, Phil pushed me out of the way and took the blow for me.

"Leave him alone." Phil's eyes were glazed over with tears, but that just made his menacing look scarier. His tone was even. He sounded dangerously calm.

"Whatever. This better be cleaned up by the time I come home." With that, he stormed off. But he forgot something. He forgot to take the fear with him because it was making itself at home deep inside me.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say, I hated writing this. It felt so wrong. Unfortunately, it's for the story.


	13. Kisses Can Heal Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Basically this entire chapter is a warning for depressing thoughts and self-doubt. I actually wrote this in two separate parts, so I don't remember off the top of my head if there's anything else. Just really dark thoughts are all.

***

I could only hear bits and pieces. All distant. Too far away. What's happening?

"Dan! Dan, are you okay?"

"Do... worry about me I'm fi... No...ng too bad."

"Dan, what ... you ta-ing abo.., you do... need to apologize. You did... do this. It's n.. your fault."

"Hey! D-n look .. me."

I felt his lips on mine. The bubble popped, except it was worse. Instead of hearing only fragments, I heard everything. I was hyper-aware of everything around me.

"Remember, kisses can heal anything."

And it was true. His kisses did heal the pain from the hits. But they never seemed able to touch the pain I had inside my heart. I felt guilty.

Kendall was my bully, and I forced Phil into our one-way battle. I got him injured. My dad was my demon, and Phil got hurt because of me. I couldn't handle it. I shouldn't have to handle this. I shouldn't have Phil.

_No, stop. That's not you talking. That's him and his poison_. A headache began, making my head as heavy as my heart. _Yeah, well if he's such a poison, then why won't you say his name? Huh! If he is the true evil here causing me to believe the truth is a lie, then why don't you say his name. Huh!?! You coward_. My head was going to explode. Why was this happening? Today was perfect.

Excusing myself, I prayed Phil wouldn't notice my trembling fingers as I raced towards the bathroom. An internal war was burning my heart to ashes. I could hear my breaths quicken as I slid down the wall. It felt all wrong. Everything sounded as if I was miles under water. Drowning. Yes, that must be what was happening. That's the only explanation for the pressure pushing me under in my head, my burning lungs, and the cold surrounding my body. I couldn't breathe, but I could think. And how much I wish I couldn't.

_It's because we're scared of him. We fear his presence and shiver at his memory. You are afraid of him. I'm not scared of the truth. You should be. You should be frightened. No, this is just you being too afraid to admit what is indeed happening. You're hurting everyone around you, and you pretend it's this "monster." The only monster here is you. NO. Admit it; you can't make your life alright, so you're dragging everyone around you down. STOP. Not until you say his name. Say it, say the lies you're feeding yourself. DON'T. I'm not doing anything. Neither is he. He's probably right. You deserve this._

I can faintly hear a siren call from under all this water. Don't they know I can't swim? Don't they know I want to drown?

_Say it. NO! Say the lies you feed yourself. I won't. Look at Phil! You hurt him. He was the only good thing in your life, and you broke him, just like you broke yourself. It wasn't me. He broke me, and Kendall broke Phil. NO HE DIDN'T. YOU DID. NOW SAY HIS NAME! NO! DO YOU WANT TO HURT PHIL?! God, no. ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU'RE DOING. Stop, please. YOU'RE HURTING PHIL, AND YOU BLAME IT ON HIM. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAS TO STOP. STOP SAYING YOUR LIES. JUST ADMIT IT. YOU'RE HURTING HIM. I don't mean to. THEN WHY THE LIES! HUH! WHY DO YOU LIE TO YOURSELF? Tell me. Who is the real monster? It's... it's... Come on, say it. Admit the monster is YO_ U. The monster is me. I hurt him. I deserve nothing, and he deserves everything. I am a monster.

\---

I don't know when he left, but when I came out of the bathroom, he wasn't there anymore. The mess was cleaned up, and the sun was down. I could hear my dad's snores as he laid on the couch.

I'm glad he left. He would only get hurt more.

I went into my room only to find a note on my bed.

_Dan,_

_I'm so sorry I had to leave. My mom called saying that there was an emergency. I wish I could stay though. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. It wasn't you. I cleaned up the mess. Please, call me as soon as you see this. I'm already regretting leaving you._

_And Dan. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. It wasn't you._

_If you don't call by midnight, I'll hunt you down and hug you so hard you'll see next week._

_Phil_.

It was already 11:46. I reached for my phone, but the echoes of my nightmares stopped me. Maybe being away from me is the right thing to do. Perhaps it's time to say goodbye.

Dan

I'm okay.

Phil

Thank god.

Are you hurt?

Did he hurt you?

Dan, I promise never to let him hurt you again as long as I'm here.

Dan?

Dan?

Are you there?

Well, it's late.

I'll see you tomorrow at school.

Dan, it's not your fault.

I like you a lot, Dan.

Please come tomorrow.

\---

I was horrified to go to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I only saw Phil beaten. I must've cried myself asleep in the end.

\---

There was a ringing in my ear. No, that's not right. I squint my eyes open to see my phone glowing. I quickly hit snooze as I tiredly got ready for school.

As usual, the walk was miserable, but I part of me told me it was what I deserved. And maybe it's right.

I reached school earlier than expected, so I chose to sit in the shade of a tree, my thoughts adding to the shadow covering me.

Deep in my thoughts, I barely registered the shadow overhead forming a new shape. A person. I looked up to see a worried blue-eyed kitten staring back at me.

"Dan, are you alright? I'm so sorry I rushed out. My mom called and told me that there was an emergency, and I regretted leaving the second I stepped foot out of the house. Please forgive me, oh my gosh, I'm the worst friend ever. I'm so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up, please say something Dan, before I ramble your eyes off, please say something, anything, I just want to know that you're OK."

Luckily, the bell rang, announcing the beginning of school, and giving me an excuse to leave Phil as I ran towards the school. I had to stop thinking about him. It wasn't right. As the final bell rang, I skidded into my Biology class and sat down near the back of the classroom. I put all my willpower into thinking about anything other than Phil, choosing to focus instead on the teacher. I was rudely reminded anything I try always fails as millions of thoughts circulated my head all screaming a single yell. Phil. The way his fringe seemed almost perfectly to cover his bruised eye, but still managed to expose the truth. How he always smiled like I meant the world, and was his world. How soft his words were, and how even in a panic, he still managed to calm me.

Maybe I could stay, have his kisses heal my scars, and have his words cover me like a blanket. Perhaps I could live in denial, acting as if it weren't my making that brought tears to his eyes just last night. I have to stay away, not for me, for him. I can't have him getting hurt because of my stupid mistakes.

I got drenched in the storm of my thoughts when a voice offered me an umbrella.

"Dan, why'd you run off? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Phil. Of course. How stupid can I be? Forgetting that he has, and still does, sit right next to me. I was too busy in my depressed downpour, to even notice him sitting right next to me.

Before the thought has even entered my conscience, I raised my hand and excused myself to go to the bathroom.

Thankfully, the third-floor bathroom, right outside of the art studios, was always empty. I didn't mind the extra walk if it meant I could escape for a day. I huddled in the wheelchair stall and sat alone with my nightmares.

\---

I didn't understand many things in life, but one thing I did know was starving. I didn't eat dinner last night, nor breakfast this morning. As my stomach mimicked the sounds of whales mating, I gathered the courage to walk to the cafeteria and grab my lunch.

As I exited the oddly-humid-concert-kinda-noisy cafeteria, I noticed Pj, Chris, and Phil all sitting at our table. I ducked my head and bee-lined towards a tree as far away as possible. Sitting alone with my "sandwich", I kept my head empty. Any thoughts would be bad thoughts.

\---

The day inched along until art class finally came. I dreaded this class all day, knowing that I couldn't avoid the seating chart that put me right in the middle of the people I'm trying to protect.

They tried everything from directly asking me what was wrong, to sending me origami frogs bouncing my way. I just kept my head down, working on my sketch of a flower.

By the time the last bell rang, I was already out the door, sprinting towards my house, doing everything in my power to keep the tears at bay. 

***


	14. F*CK THE WORLD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Language. Overall just a very angsty first part.

P.O.V. Phil

I shouldn't have left. Even if my mom said there was an emergency, I shouldn't have gone. Every time I close my eyes I flashed back to staring at the bathroom door, yelling at Dan. Saying I love him over and over until my voice is hoarse and my tears empty. When I sleep, I see the door finally open, but I can't enter. I have to watch in horror as Dan's "dad" returns and beats him. I try to do something, anything, but I can't move, can't move, can't breathe. I need him. I need to help him. I need to hold him and tell him it's all going to be okay.

I would, if I could see him, but he's never around. I see him in classes and sit by him, but it's not him. It's a shell of my best friend. It has been for four days. I need to talk to him. When he runs after class, I try following, but running has never been my forte. Pj and Chris were ready to help before I even asked, though the three of us haven't gotten any more progress this whole week.

It's Friday, and if you think for one second I'm going to let him go home for two days, ALONE, then you're dead wrong. I'll stop at nothing to help him. I'll drop everything in a heartbeat to wrap him in a blanket and watch Pokemon again.

I'm not giving up. Not yet, Dan. Just hang on.

\---

Stepping into the cafeteria, I revise my plan one more time. It was now or never. I have a feeling art class will be too late.

I walk confidently past our table and b-line straight to the gardens. Dark clouds begin to cover the sun, dimming the fields and inviting an unwelcomed chill in the air. As I spot Dan, I start to walk towards him. His head peaks up, dark eyes looking around the yard until they land on me. Instantly, he's on his feet, quickly walking away.

I quicken my pace and reach out, grabbing his arm. I hold tight, despite his attempts to escape. He stays faced away from me, but that's alright, this is enough to say what I need to.

"Dan? Please talk to me. I need to see you again. I miss you so much. I'm sorry I left, I should have stayed. Please, talk to me." My voice cracks with emotion as I pleaded. Though it's not enough, he yanks his arm out of my grasp and takes a step away.

"Go away, Phil. It's for the best."

"What are you talking about!?! Never talking to you is never the best. You're the best, and I need you back," my voice dropped to a whisper as I took a step forward, "Please."

"NO! Okay. I don't need this. I don't need you! Just leave me alone. This was a mistake." And with that, he ran off.

Tears surged forward as my heart broke. I crashed onto my knees. Only half aware of two shadows pulling me closer. Arms wrapped around me as I sobbed against their chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live. What happened?

\---

It took all my strength to pick myself up for art class. Pj, Chris, and I hid in the abandoned third-floor restroom, only the occasional sniffles and reassurances broke the silence. Mostly, we laid on the floor, tangled in a mess of hugs as I processed what happened.

But I couldn't stay here forever. I gathered my shattered heart and carried it to class. I sat, staring blankly at Dan's empty seat. It seems I wasn't the only one who wanted to skip. He just went through with it.

Class inched along. I couldn't focus as I sketched in my journal. My eyes were open, but my brain failed to register any color. All I saw was black as my pencil danced across the page. A mournful melody of thoughts in the background.

Only when the final bell rang did I look down, but what I saw hurt more. Dan's back with me holding to his arm filled my vision. I can't give up. I have to say what I meant to say. Then...

Well, then we can say goodbye.

\---

My feet pounded on the pavement as I sprinted to Dan's house. I knew the way despite my few visits. I knew I would see him. I had to see him. Rain started falling with each step, soaking my clothes, but I could care less. I could care less when the drizzle became a pour and blocked my sight. I knew the way. I only had to follow my heart.

\---

I banged on his door, seeing as no car was in the driveway. I lost time each hit becoming more desperate, my hand became numb as I went for another hit until my head went further than usual.

I looked up, my bangs sticking to my face, surely in a hideous way. My heart swelled as Dan stood there, in a sweater two sizes too big. His head was down, so I reached out to grab his hands. I took it as reassurance as he let me.

"Dan. I don't care how mad you are, well I do, I really do. I mean maybe I'm a fool for doing this, could come off as creepy. You could want nothing to do with me, and I don't blame you. I'm a terrible friend who leaves their best friends when they're hurting, I tend to have too much of an optimistic view to things, and I constantly ramble. I mean I never stop rambling. I don't blame you for getting tired and mad at me because I'm a rambling mess around you and-"

"Phil," I look up to see his eyes puffy and red, but staring back at me, "Why are you here?"

"Oh, right. Dan, I love you. And I will never stop loving you. I loved you from the moment you came into my life like a freaking superhero, and I fell more when I made you pancakes, and I still love you as I stand here. My point is, I can't live without you. And it's absurd because we've known each other for three months and I don't believe in love at first sight. But Dan, you make me believe anything."

I stood there, slightly out of breath. Silence replaced my confession as he stared blankly back at me. I ducked my head, refusing to let him see me cry. It was stupid, Phil! Of course, he hates you! He never felt the same, and now you look like a fool. He will never love you.

"I... I um, I unders-stand. I gotta, gotta go. Lat-er." My voice heavy with cracks as I turned and walked back to the road.

 

P.O.V. No One

As Phil began crossing the street, Dan seemed to come to his senses. He sprinted, allowing the cold rain to drape his skin.

"Phil!"

Startled, Phil turned around. Standing in the road, soaked to the bone, he never felt more vulnerable. Dan stopped a foot away. Tears from the boys hidden in the rain.

"Phil."

"It's okay Dan, I know, you hate me. It's okay. I don't need your pity."

"Phil, I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I got you hurt, and it'd be safer for you just to leave me."

"What are you talking about, your fault? Dan, none of this was your fault. I choose to stand in front of you. I choose to defend you. Because I love you. Even if you don't love me."

***

"No, goddammit, no Phil. I love you so much. I've loved you forever, I was wrong to yell at you, and even more wrong to lie to you. Phil, you're my heart. You're probably the only good thing in my life right now. And I can't leave you. I can't not love you. I need you, Phil. I'll yell it from the mountaintops. I LOVE PHIL LESTER!!! YOU HEAR THAT WORLD! FUCK YOU, CAUSE I LOVE PHIL LESTER! Phil, I love you."

The world stopped, could be from anger at being cursed, or in awe from the love these two managed to look at each other with. Phil stayed still, until bursting in the widest smile ever. Making even the sun jealous with the pure radiance his smile held, Dan's a close second.

Suddenly, they were a tangle of hugs, engulfing each other with warmth. Rain continued to drop, a heavenly song of love. The boys smiled as Dan broke apart. Bowing, he offered a hand.

"Care to dance?"

"Thought you'd never ask." And if anybody looked out on the rainy Friday afternoon, they would have been surprised by two boys dancing and yelling, singing unknown songs into the air. Twirling the other and holding them close. A beautiful sight, even for the coldest of hearts.

And it was worth it. The two would never forget this day. Even as they laid sick, smiled stretched across their pale skin as they both thought of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is the last chapter that I'm transferring from Wattpad. Meaning, my writing is going to be a bit more sporadic and unscheduled. I am trying to get back into this story, and I think moving everything here has helped, all I need now is actually to sit down and write it.
> 
> Anywho, thank you for reading this. I hope you did and please comment any questions or thoughts. They always help boost my confidence. See you guys soon! For all you people celebrating Thanksgiving, happy Thanksgiving! And if you're not, hope you still take the time to be grateful for the positives in your life.


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